Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
