The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
