apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
