I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Sober January is a disaster.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
