I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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