That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
