i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
