marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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