it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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