I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize