I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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