Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
