Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
