smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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