you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
