On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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