FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
