I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
