I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't turn off my feet"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
