the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
