Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
