If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
