i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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