I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
