She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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