Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
