i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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