the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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