saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
