I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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