She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
