no. you can't hotbox the world.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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