I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
