so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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