im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
