My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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