my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
