he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize