drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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