it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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