I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize