JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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