3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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