So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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