I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
