I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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