she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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