I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
