and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
