I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Randomize
