Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
