Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
