You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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