im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
