he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize