she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
