They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
how drunk are you?
Several
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize