$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
