how can u be prego again
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
