I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
