I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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