I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
