I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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