I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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