I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I look better un-naked...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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