I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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