speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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