end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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