so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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