I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
