it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
