$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize